the past is being blatant about not wanting me in.
the past is not a place i should re-visit.
the past is full of mistakes and regrets and heartbreaks.

the future is not much better off.
the future is dark,doubtful and uncertain to a worrying extent.
the future is a place i am heading into blindly,thrust forward with no manual.

the present is full of disappointments,reminders of failures and dreams i failed to achieve.
the present is a bully,constantly throwing me around and hits me at the most unexpected moments.
the present is a horrifying dimension that i stumble through just to survive.

so where do i escape this miserable and haunting existence?
tell me,is there even an escape?

there is so much you do not know.there is so much you refuse to know.
i can never be,the person you want me to be.
as the saying goes,i am what i am.
this is who i am,not perfect,but a man of flesh and blood with feelings and hopes and dreams.
just. like.you.

expectations and promises weigh like the world on my shoulders.
dragging me down,slowing me to a motion like no other.
i trip,i fall,i struggle,i work my way up on my feet,i start again.
is there no end to this vicious cycle?

there is a world i created that i hide myself in from time to time.
a dark world of bloodshed and murderous desires.
a dark world of misery and contempt.
a dark world i keep checking into because simply,it is addictive.
a dark world where no one is out to get me,where no one,in fact,can get to me.
it is a world where,when i am at my most pitiful,at my most worthless hour,i am King and i reign supreme.

Welcome to My World.

...

they say everything must come to an end.
so tell me,is there an end when there's no beginning?

'my mind is made up;
but my heart is giving up'

....