Saturday, January 31, 2009, 6:29 PM
My heart starts to bleed.
Misery catches up to me.
My vision becomes obscure.
And now,
i will suffer
...
-acap-
Thursday, January 29, 2009, 11:06 PM
i am sick.
i am pissed.
i am on the borderline of depression.
i am eating too much.
i am thinking too much.
...
-acap-
i am pissed.
i am on the borderline of depression.
i am eating too much.
i am thinking too much.
...
-acap-
Wednesday, January 28, 2009, 11:56 PM
You see things;
And you ask 'Why?'
I dream things that never were;
and ask 'Why not?'
...
-acap-
And you ask 'Why?'
I dream things that never were;
and ask 'Why not?'
...
-acap-
Tuesday, January 27, 2009, 10:45 PM
'Razor's Edge'
I feel nothing,fuck like sick despair.
All this suffering,goddamn don't you care?
Here's the rope,tie me up to the bed
Pull it hard,break the skin,take me out of my head
There's just one thing,all I ask you to do
A small something,here's my body to use
Place my soul in a box and believe
The world's not ready
To fault misery
Count down the days that you have kept me alive
In this place,only the willing survive
It's my pleasure cut with one hand
I'm the queen of the dark,I command.
There's just one thing all I want you to do
A small something heres my body to use
Show the world how to fear and blaspheme
Here's the rope,pull it tight
Show me dark and obscene
The smoke clears and in whispering waves of self mutilation I see the dark sky fall to pieces the world is sometimes too heavy to breathe and the dead surround me like an ocean I can't recognise the reflection looking back though the mirror as if some sort of silent stranger with mean eyes and a deadly stare he sees everything are why? then with one last glimmer defiant I'm transformed into a monster a giant with no heart no limbs no desire this is not a suicide letter I just want a real close look at death touch his mattered hair as I pass him by
You slash my heart on a razor's edge.
on the razor's edge.
Don't worry,we'll mend it.
stay with me..
-acap-
Sunday, January 25, 2009, 10:12 PM
You're beautiful
and
I'm a loser alive
On a suicide mission to die
...
You're beautiful
and
I'm a loser inside
and a suicide
...
-acap-
Saturday, January 24, 2009, 10:30 PM
This is the last attempt at a mere goodbye.
It's just beginning.
Does this story have an end?
Can you feel my empty heart
inside a box and barely beating?
The walls are closing in.
So take my hand, we’ll run forever ‘till it ends.
-acap-
'Goodbye We're Falling Fast'
Your pretty face disguised
in a veil of fear
drip with tears
as I gave you one last
kiss before the fall (before the fall)
Hold my hand you're so beautiful
let's escape from this life and end it all
on three we're jumping from this ledge
this buildings tall
I'm sure we'll wake up dead
but I still love her
Say goodbye say goodbye
yeah we're falling fast
I'll live forever
Say goodbye say goodbye
A picture perfect attempt at
a quick and painless death
came and meant
something so much more
than all the rest (than all the rest)
Hold my hand and don't forget to breathe
there's nothing left for you
there's nothing left to leave
on three we're jumping from this ledge
this buildings tall
I'm sure we'll wake up dead
but I still love her
Say goodbye say goodbye
yeah we're falling fast
I'll live forever
Say goodbye say goodbye
yeah and make it last
With these moments we hold dear
(inside my heart)
and the seconds we have left
(inside my heart)
I know you're here inside my heart [2x]
Hold your hand with mine
in this picture perfect light
there's one last chance for us
tonight
I hold your hand with mine
so everything is fine
so say good by now say goodbye
tonight
Say goodbye say goodbye
yeah we're falling fast
I'll live forever
Say goodbye say goodbye
yeah we'll make it last
I'll live forever
Say goodbye say goodbye
yeah we're falling fast
I'll live forever
Say goodbye say goodbye
-acap-
Thursday, January 22, 2009, 11:39 PM
Monday, January 19, 2009, 10:34 PM
it just won't......
'Eternity In Frames'
Dudes with the headphones.
Pic was captured using Manan's Sony Cybershot.
8.1 Megapixels.
Cool or what.
Anyway,15 feb performance is called off.
Due to lack of practise and lack of concern by some people.
If you at least gave a reason why,i wouldn't be so pissed off at you right now.
But no,you're so pre-occupied with your own problems that you forget other people have feelings too.
'A Pistol To My Temple'
If I flew into a mountain
Burn myself to nothing
That would be something
Would it be enough?
A pistol to my temple
Pull the trigger like its nothing
That would be something, but it’s never enough
This is all an illusion
What do you take me for?
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
hurt someone that loved you
Except that I felt nothing
That would be something, would it be enough?
I had everything you wanted
It shows to give you nothing
That would be something
This is all too much
This is all an illusion
What do you take me for?
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
I’m burning alive
With a pistol to my temple
If we don’t believe this reason for living
Then we’ll never know do I want to know?
If we don’t believe this reason for living
Then we’ll never know do I want to know?
If we just give up give into the pressure we’re losing it all
We’re losing control
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
(What I would do for you)
-acap-
Dudes with the headphones.
Pic was captured using Manan's Sony Cybershot.
8.1 Megapixels.
Cool or what.
Anyway,15 feb performance is called off.
Due to lack of practise and lack of concern by some people.
If you at least gave a reason why,i wouldn't be so pissed off at you right now.
But no,you're so pre-occupied with your own problems that you forget other people have feelings too.
'A Pistol To My Temple'
If I flew into a mountain
Burn myself to nothing
That would be something
Would it be enough?
A pistol to my temple
Pull the trigger like its nothing
That would be something, but it’s never enough
This is all an illusion
What do you take me for?
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
hurt someone that loved you
Except that I felt nothing
That would be something, would it be enough?
I had everything you wanted
It shows to give you nothing
That would be something
This is all too much
This is all an illusion
What do you take me for?
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
I’m burning alive
With a pistol to my temple
If we don’t believe this reason for living
Then we’ll never know do I want to know?
If we don’t believe this reason for living
Then we’ll never know do I want to know?
If we just give up give into the pressure we’re losing it all
We’re losing control
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
It makes no difference what I do for you
I would give you my life but it just won’t ever be enough
(What I would do for you)
-acap-
Labels: ......ever be enough
Thursday, January 15, 2009, 10:09 AM
falling apart
ah screw you all...
'Knife Blood Nightmare'
There is no real me
Only an entity
Something illusionary
And though i can hide my cold gaze And you can shake my hand
And feel flesh griping yours And maybe you can even sense
That our lifestyles are probably comperable
I simply..
am not..
there
She said live young and leave a wake of beauty.
That's all I ever could have asked,
Should have asked from you.
And I won't forget to write you,
When I get there soon.'
Cause you'll be lying dead
From stab wounds to the neck and chest again.
They found you covered up in blood,
Covered head to toe in blood.
Face first in a tale of awkward love.
They found you covered up in blood,
She's bleeding, she's bleeding.
Gone with the stitching in her heart.
Left out a silhouette that just won't
Heal and dying in your arms tonight.
In my dreams, we die. (Locked away)
With this blood and this knife.
In my dreams, we die. (Locked away)
With this blood and this knife, now.
I know it's all just a bad dream now.
So now midnight's here.
You're all alone.
They use this fear.
It's all just a bad dream.
And I can't seem to...
Wake up from this.
Midnight's here.
You're all alone.
They use this fear
.It's all just a bad dream.
And I can't seem to...
Wake up from this.
In my dreams, we die.
With this blood and this knife.
In my dreams, we die.
With this blood and this knife now.
I know it's all just a bad dream now.
(I know it's all just a bad dream now.)
It's all just a bad dream now.
(I know it's all just a bad dream now.)
It's all just a bad dream now.
(I know it's all just a bad dream now.)
I say...
This is the last time,
That I'll ever get to see your face alive.
They found you covered up in blood,
Covered head to toe in blood.
And I know that every day's a new day.
And my dreams will never die.
They found you covered up in blood,
Covered head to toe in blood.
She said live young and leave a wake of beauty.
That's all I ever could have asked,
Should have asked from you.
And I won't forget to write you,
When I get there soon.
'Cause you'll be lying dead from dreaming (nightmares).
So now midnight's here.
You're all alone.
They use this fear.
It's all just a bad dream.
And I can't seem to...
Wake up from this.
Midnight's here.
You're all alone.
They use this fear.
It's all just a bad dream.
And I can't seem to...
Wake up from this.
Midnight's here.
You're all alone.
They use this fear.
It's all just a bad dream.
And I can't seem to...
Wake up from this nightmare.
-acap-
Tuesday, January 13, 2009, 10:25 AM
i can see through....
'you can illustrate your life
in romance.
but i can show you
so much more than words,
in my hands..'
i'm at a point
where giving up
is a very tempting option.
to reflect my mood,
i had at first decided to put up a hardcore song.
but i figured there might be some of you losers out there who can't take it.
yeah,you people who listen to techno.
see?my weakness is i care too much.
so i decided to put this up instead.
it does accurately reflects my mood.
so..
'Worlds Away'
We pave the roads we take
We bend before we break
Across the world with you
Across the world with you
The love you never found
Was right here all along
Waiting here for you
Waiting here for you
When words mean nothing I'll be here singing On and on and on and on
Worlds away I'll still be singing On and on and on and on
I know you feel like you've come to far
But you can always trace your steps back to the start
Tearing down what you had tried to build
Sometimes earthquakes have a chance to kill
When words mean nothing I'll be here singing On and on and on and on
Worlds away I'll still be singing On and on and on and on
When words mean nothing I'll be here singing On and on and on and on
Whoa
Worlds away I'll still be singing On and on and on and on
Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa
When words mean nothing I'll be here singing On and on and on and on
Worlds away I'll still be singing On and on and on and on
-acap-
Labels: .....a lifetime of wretched demise
Friday, January 9, 2009, 9:29 AM
why?....
stupid.
i feel stupid.
i made a promise to myself last year.
but i broke it since the new year.
and now i feel broken down.
i should have known better.
these things has never worked out for me
and it never will...
stupid.
so so stupid.....
for believing in something that's not real......
-acap-
Labels: .....does this kind of shit keeps happening to me
Wednesday, January 7, 2009, 10:17 PM
can you take it all away?
this is probably the first time i changed the blog song on the same day.
but i just had to.
cause in a music world where rnb and hiphop is reigning supreme despite most of the songs from those genres are utterly meaningless and mundane(yes.i'm being bias.but all they sing is about is sex,money,smacking bitches asses,money,sex,cars,blings,sex,money.we get the point already.you people are sick perverts.sheesh.and lets not even start on techno.sorry if i offended anybody.but im a rock and roll guy through and through.im not saying its perfect of course.everything and everyone has flaws.) this song is one of those increasingly rare songs which actually has deep meaning to it.
check it out.
Blurry
Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's empty
and everything is so messed up
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what you're doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well ya shoved it my face
Everyone is changing
there's noone left that's real
to make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
You could be my someone
you could be my scene
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what you're doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
[Chorus]
Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you when to runaway
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to runaway
[Chorus]
This pain you gave to me
You take it all
You take it all away...
This pain you gave to me
You take it all away
This pain you gave to me
Take it all away
This pain you gave to me
-acap-
'If you don't stand up for something.
You'll always fall for anything...'
Labels: puddle of mudd
making a point...
Its that time of the year again..
a new beginning for me.and with it,comes the promise of an end.
an end to my failures,my faults,my apprehensions,my waitings.
an end to those who don't believe in me.an end to the haters.an end to those who used me.
whatever happened in the past year,i'm gonna forgive and forget all about it.
to the people who hurt me in one way or another,physically,mentally or emotionally,well,
screw you.if you did any of the above,we're probably not on talking terms anymore right now.
but hey,if you're willing to admit your mistakes and not let your egos get in the way,i am all for starting over.
to the people whom i have hurt in the past year,you know how i am.most of the time its not you that i'm actually mad at.you guys sometimes just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.but in any case,i'm sorry for taking it out on people who don't deserve it.
In this new chapter of my life,i have a lot to concentrate on at the moment.like for example,we have a show at ITE Simei's forum on 15 Feb.And the band have not practised yet.But we'll get to that soon.I'm busy writing songs too.Main aim is to have enough songs for an EP.Which i'm hoping we'll get to record by the middle of this year.
School is also hounding my ass.2 and half months of my NITEC education left to go.Assesments and tests are all over the place.I'm getting worried.GPA 3.3 is not really enough to secure a place in any poly.I'm gonna have to go for desperate measures.
My BTT is also coming up next week.Yep,for the third time.Sheesh,i better pass this time round.If not,i don't know when the hell i'm gonna complete my driving license.
Work on weekends is okay.Tired but i'm coping well.Besides,i need the money.So many stuff i wanna get and not enough money.
There's also the trip to Malaysia with my friends in March to think about.I have to get $250 for the 4d3n trip by then.Maybe i'll rob a bank...hmmm....
And amid all these chaos,i'm also trying hard to keep up my fitness and improving my all round game as a soccer player.My left shoulder and hip are still sore after the hard fall i had last week while playing soccer.But i'll be fine i think.
Anyway,that's about it.Thank you to God and my family.To 30 Seconds to Mars and Liverpool FC for constantly inspiring me.To the people who have stuck by me through thick and thin.You guys are the reason i'm still believing.You know who you are.To the non-believers,you people are the reason i'll keep going.Farhan,happy birthday to you too man.Naz,good luck trying to survive NS.To the rest of you,i'll see you on Friday.And good luck trying to stop me from scoring. :D
'At the end of the day,its just a number.
What matters is how you carry yourself...'
updated blog song:-
End Of The Beginning
Here we are searching for a sign
Here we are searching for a sign
It's the end here today
But I will build a new beginning
Take some time, find a place
And I will start my own religion
As the day divides the night
Here we are searching for a sign
Watch the men multiply
See them ease out of the circle
Watch your friends run and hide
Help them fall back in this cycle
Here we are searching
You saw what you get
If you take what you take
Look in the eye of the test
It's all because...
Now there's a feeling I get
When I look to the left
But it should never be sensed
Our searching for a sign
Can you feel it?
Things are changing
Can you see it?
Watch as the worlds colliding
Can you see it?
Can you feel it?
Watch as the worlds...
Collide into themselves
Collide into themselves
Another time, another place
Another time, another place
Some paradigm has shunned the race
Some paradigm has shunned the race
Searching
You saw what you get
If you take what you take
Look in the eye of the test
It's all because...
Now there's a feeling I get
When I look to the left
But it should never be sensed
Our searching for a sign
You saw what you get
If you take what you take
Look in the eye of the test
It's all because...
Now there's a feeling I get
When I look to the left
But it should never be sensed
Our searching for a sign
-acap-
Labels: ...to prove myself
Asyraf
7 January 1990
Republic Poly
Capricorn
Member of Echelon
Does not believe in love
