a lunatic's lament

maybe i should tell you....

'Nothing Seems To Change'

so should i laugh?should i get upset?should i get mad and turn green and start smashing things?should i go berserk with anger?should i?should i?should i!!?

well,you good people are probably wondering what the hell am i rambling about.to start off,my moods have been on a rollercoaster ride today.pleased,anger,disappointed,frustrated.you name it,i felt it.

thunderstorm was raging went i got home for school.not a good thing.i was pent up with rage and frustration inside and i had planned to let it all out by going jogging.so i had to wait till the storm passes.in the meantime,i watched the simpsons on my psp to try and calm myself down.it didnt really work.as soon as the sky stopped looking as if it was gonna flood good old earth,i went out for a run.not a good thing either.with all the anger i was feeling,i was running too fast to last the 3km+ route.i had a stitch that seriously felt like i had torn a stomach muscle(i don't want to say an ab,in case some fucker who's reading this thinks im full of myself).my calf was starting to clam up(yes asshole.you're right.i did not warm up.so?is it YOUR calf thats clamming up?).the worst part came when i had reached home.i was out of breath and my heart was in pain.in case,nobody knows(probably nobody cares either),i was born with a hole in my heart.so it was starting to cause problems again.this time,real bad.i could hardly breathe.the pain was so severe i was clutching my chest in the hope that somehow by doing that,it would ease the pain.at one point,i almost passed out.but who cares?

so despite that somewhat near-death experience(God,i AM afraid of you.im not prepared to meet you yet.),i was still full of frustration.which is the main reason why im ranting here.so what am i to the people around me?a tool to be used only when they need me?an ear to listen when they need to let something out?a source of entertainment when they're feeling down?then after all that,what then?

i'm partly to blame i guess.why do i stupidly trust people so easily?why do i believe their words just like that?im a fucking idiot thats why.

'under the burning sun,
i take a look around,
imagine if these all came down.
i'm waiting for the day to....
come....'

-acap-

Labels: ....that i got feelings too