a lunatic's lament

Tuesday, July 29, 2008, 2:54 PM

what goes around,comes around

Health Hazard Warning: New Blog Song Not For The Faint-Hearted
Pussies can Fuck Off.I Don't Fucking Care.

anyway,
another week.another week of going through what life wants to throw at me.
had a soccer match last Saturday at dear old Siglap Sec.
that place brings back memories...
anyhow,
played against a team from ITE Simei.
we won 6-3.
first time in a long time we've won a match by so much.
Raman scored a hat trick.
Amin scored once.or is it twice?
i cant remember the rest.
cause all i remember is,
i personally feel i played badly.
i'm glad the team won.
but i wish i could have done better.
my first touch let me down more than a few times.
and i wasn't confident running with the ball.
i guess i was afraid i would disappoint my team-mates.
after the match we talked crap for awhile.
just us close friends reminiscing about our old life as Siglapians.
i kinda miss those days...
we also discussed about our end of the year holiday plans.
its more or less confirmed we'll be going to Genting then shop like crazy in KL.
i think we'll most probably spend 4 days 3 nights in Malaysia.
we're taking the train i think.
can't wait for that.
went swimming with zz on sunday.
what a regret.the place was PACKED!
sheesh.
and the water tasted funny.
kinda salty.ugh..
oh and z,i'm gonna kick your ass the next time we play badminton dude.
hahs
not forgetting,
happy birthday to mann and ilyas.
finally legal huh guys?
hahs
i don't have anything for you guys.
sorry.
but i just wanna say i'm glad we met and became friends.
mann,i know i owe you alot. :)
i'll play you payback some day dude.
so,no school tomorrow and i don't know what to do.
i'm bored out of my mind and some people are treating me and my friends like shit.
what goes around,comes around assholes and bitches.
oh yeah,i will be enrolling for my driver's license soon.
i'm taking private.
cheaper.hehs.
oh and zieka aka dora,nice to know ya :)
that's all folks.
somebody save me from my boredom...
oh and a gentle reminder to everybody,
please don't fucking take what you have now for fucking granted.
be it friends,family,whatever.
appreciate them while you fucking have them.
don't be fucking selfish can?
thank you :)

'i admit that i'm,
just a fool for you..
i'm just a fool for you...'

-acap-

Labels: at the end of the day, you're just a fucking liar and hypocrite.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 10:29 PM

introduce a little anarchy......

wanna say happy 28th bdae kak ana!
and thx 4 e msg dis morning..
reali appreciate it..
i love you too..
more than you probably realise..
oh and yea,
my mom's 44th bdae was last week on 17th..
love ya..
i wanna say thx to sani,ilyas and mann
4 today..
we went to catch the dark knight..
and it was AWESOME.
i love this version of the Joker..
anyway,thx guys..
my frens.my saviors.
everybody.
from you guys
to zz
to wan
to man
to yana
to eja
to irni(we need to catch up.its a been a long time.haha)
i love you guys.

'life is too short,
to leave the important things,
unsaid...'

i put my heart and my soul into my work;
and i lost my mind in the process.
but its worth it.its something i love.
-vincent van gogh

-acap-

Labels: .......but lets put a smile on that face

Sunday, July 20, 2008, 9:39 PM

i can be.

i didn't get to exercise at all this weekend
because of bad weather.
its bothering me.
and i've keep having these dreams lately.
there must be a reason why i keep having them.
or its probably nothing
and i should just get over it.
i'm probably just messed up.

'i don't like the situation we're in;
nowhere is where we've been.'

-acap-

Friday, July 18, 2008, 5:41 PM

so i run and hide......

somebody tell me what should i do..
somebody tell me what's going on inside..
somebody tell me what did i do wrong..
somebody tell me what am i doing wrong..
somebody tell me what am i not doing..
somebody tell me where will it all end..
somebody tell me how's it going to end..
somebody tell me why is it happening the way it is..
somebody tell me who am i..
somebody tell me what am i lacking..
somebody tell me why am i the way i am..
somebody tell me why am i never good enough for anything..
somebody tell me why am i messed up like this..
somebody tell me why..
somebody tell me.......

somebody please just shoot me.....

-acap-

Labels: ......and tear myself up

Thursday, July 17, 2008, 3:29 PM

i don't want to be who i was back then....

NEW UPDATES
just got back from city hall.
accompanied zz to change his guitar strings.
mann was there too.
on the way home at esplanade,
there was this hot chick who looked at me.
and i was like 'whoa...a chick is looking at me'
i mean,come on,lets face it,
chicks don't look at me..
so when it happens,
i'm like stunned.
but she was the minah rep type.
so i didn't really bother.
then at dhoby ghaut,
there was this chick who was hugging a guy.
and i swear,at one glance,
she looks like you yana.
my heart practically skipped a few beats.
cause i thought it was you hugging some guy.
hahs
but i then realised i got the wrong person.
i guess i'm pretty messed up..
anw mann,
thx 4 uploading the song..
it starts wif a bassline beat..
then the pace will gradually pick up..
take a moment to listen to it
and you guys will understand what i mean..
its very epic..
anw,
sani don't take it lying down..
they're teachers.
but they are accusing you of stealing without any evidence..
prove yourself dude..
go kickass..
and haliejah,
i read your blog the other day..
and i know i've said this but i'm gonna say it again..
HE IS NOT WORTH IT.
please take my advice kays.
stop crying.
its for your own good.. :)
besides that,
i want to apologise to everybody..
for i know lately i've been up and down
and sometimes during that period,
i've been a jerk..
sometimes i do something without thinking through 1st..
i sincerely apologise..
and yana,
if you're reading this..
get well soon yea..
yesterday i got something for you
that i hope will make you feel better and recover faster..
i was hoping i could pass them to you today.. :)
but its okay,
i understand what you're going through..
and i wanna say sorry to you because,
there are times when i feel like,
i irritate you and annoy you..
sorry yea..
i haven't been myself lately..

'they told me i should take a step back;
maybe even take a different path;
they say i'm wasting time and effort;
i should move on.

but i won't,until you tell me to;
cause you're the reason i look forward to;
you're the reason i keep going;
you're the answer to my calling.'

-acap-

Labels: ....cause i almost lost you again

Wednesday, July 16, 2008, 11:22 PM

hello eeeEEEeee~
a'an back!
basically,
acap has been complaining about me not updating in this blog.
oh wells.
been quite lazy so i tot i let acap handle the dust.
whee~
i'll update soon.
bt not soon enuf.
hahs.
& btw,
helped acap to change the song.
his account got locked up!
boo~!
well enjoy.
it might take quite sum time to load.
taking cares ppl~

~crossed behind we fall down the bridges that carry us home.

a'an

Tuesday, July 15, 2008, 2:41 PM

my feelings towards you.....

zz last minute cancelled our plans to bowl.
so here i am again.
reflecting.
this is my second post in one day.
i don't want to comment about my previous post.
but i wanna blog about the chat me and zz had last night.
he talked about giving up on gals.
he talked about how us regular guys just don't have a chance.
how we are just too ordinary,too plain for gals.
we don't have anything to attract chicks.
we don't have the looks.
we don't have money.
we don't have anything.
all we have is our love,but according to him,
these days love alone is not enough for gals nowadays.
there are more things he said,
but i'm too lazy to put it all here.
well,
i agree with him on some points.
rejection hurts,
i know.
i've been there.
zz is tired of doing all the chasing,
doing all he can to impress the gal he's chasing.
who is,btw,a NYP gal and is pretty hot.
but she just doesn't seem interested.
well,
i can understand how he feels.
cuz i know how it feels.
but to me,
its just a matter of
whether you really want her or not.
whether your feelings for her are strong enough to make you willing to wait
and do whatever it takes
and make sacrifices
and to be patient enough.
and at the end of the day,whether its strong enough
to make her accept you.
basically,its up to you.
of course,this kind of things can't be forced.
if she openly says she just can't accept you,
then you can either go ahead and cry or
take it like a man.
either way its fine with me.
i think its better to let one's feelings out.
rather then keep it all inside.
but if you think she's still considering
and you still have a chance,
then by all means..
i don't know about you people,
but i'm not the type that changes targets quickly and easily.
i'm the kind that has to take time to forget.
especially if i have strong feelings towards her
and if she means a lot to me..
but after saying all that,
i still think gals are hard to understand..
hahs
btw,i'm setting up a side band.
Haliejah is involved.
she's gonna be vocalist.
i'm gonna play rythmn guitar and vocals too.
mann on drums.
and maybe alfian on lead guitar and keyboard.
we can't contact him.
he changed his numba or sumtink.
oh and irni,
if you're reading this,
i still want you on keyboard!
hahs

'If i wrote you a symphony,
just to say how much you mean to me,
what would you do?

If i told you you were beautiful,
would you date me on the regular,
tell me would you?

I've never been more sure about you,
these words here represents my heart,
everything i've been waiting for is you...'

'this is my chance,
i'll take it now because i can..'

-acap-

p.s.
blog song will be up by tomorrow.
my ripway account got locked.

Labels: .....its all real.i want you and need you badly....

like any other person.....

health hazard warning:new blog song is NOT for the faint hearted.

since his bloody face appeared in last thursday's straits times,
i can finally say something about it.
apparently my long-lost stupid uncle is involved in the exorcism case.
according to the paper,he is a convert catholic.
u stupid asshole.
you disappeared from the family for i don't know how many years
and now look what you got yourself into.
you fucker.
shit,the last time i saw you was when i was still in kindergarten.
you were not even there when kak Ana got married.
you were not there when abg Azhar got married.
you used to be my fav uncle when i was young.
you used to be so good to me.
where the hell did you go!?
u left tok dollah.your own father.
u left my mom and my aunt with broken hearts.
don't YOU have a heart u asshole?
you have family you know.
i'm not being racist or anything
but i have to say this.
if you were to die tomorrow,
what the hell is the family supposed to do with your body?
bury you the Islamic way?
you won't be accepted by the dirt in the cemetery dumbass.
bury you the Catholic way?
you're on your own if that's how you wanna go.
i think we should just burn you to hell.
how about that?
shit if abang Asyik has his way,
he'll beat you to death.

'don't take my patience for granted.
like you,i have my limits.
but unlike you,
i love my family.'

-acap-

Labels: .....i have my limits too

Saturday, July 12, 2008, 10:13 PM

i am lost.....

changed the blog song again.
i know its a malay song that can be classified as jiwang.
but earlier today
as i was helping my mom wash the dishes
and she was frying something(which i later found out to be noodles)
this song came on the radio.
my mom quickly went to increase the volume.
she then told me its one of her favourite malay songs.
and now,i like it too.
hahs.
its sounds like a girl singing
but my mom said this song was recorded
when the vocalist,who is a guy,was still pretty much a kid.
in any case,i like the way he sings the chorus.
the lyrics are pretty meaningful
i can relate to it.
anw,
i have 2-3 more songs of my own on the way.
i'm enjoying writing songs
and i love my guitar.
hahs.
zz says my songs,when rocked out,tend to be fast songs.
he told me to try make slower songs.
i'll try dude.
anyway we had pizza yesterday after swimming.
me,zz,wan and man.
the picture was taken by wan.
played soccer today.
after getting advice from wan and zz,
i used my new boots.
and i managed 3 goals again today
felt comfortable,
and could beat players pretty easy sometimes.
thanks dudes..
so i guess i should be in a good mood.
i got to hang out with my friends
and i seem to be finding my form on the field again.
but here i am,
typing this out
and strumming my guitar,
feeling down...

'kau umpama bidadari;
suci bagai embun pagi.
kau hadir membawa erti;
penawar diri ku tikala ku sepi.'

'i'm not much,i know
i'm nothing
i wish i could be the best there is,just so
i could make you happy
and to make you mine,
if you'll let me...'
-acap-

Labels: .....without you

Thursday, July 10, 2008, 4:44 PM

hello there.....

just popped in to say
i wanna jamm again.
i'm also thinking about setting up a side-band.
if possible with a female vocalist.
so,any of you chicks out there interested??
just tag if you are.
hahs.
am still writing a few songs.
really inspired lately.
oh and i also wanna say,
apparently
Singaporeans have a fucked up perception of ITE students.
yesterday morning,
in a packed train on my way to school,
i was minding my own business listening to some music,
with blink 182 blasting from my headphones,
thinking about her...
as i then raised my hand to change tracks on my mp4,
my elbow gently and accidentally bumped a woman's beg,
who was standing behind me.
i immediately apologised to her.
but she took one look at my uniform and glared at me like i was trying to snatch her beg or something.
seeing the look on her face,
i stopped my apology in mid sentence.
and blatantly ignored her.
sheesh.
it was an accident for goodness' sake.
i seriously felt like saying something rude to her.
but being the good guy that i am,
i just ignored her.
haha.

'Without you my life is incomplete my days are,
Absolutely gray,
And so i try to let your heart know for sure,
That i have so much more,
To tell you every single day'

-acap-

Labels: .....the angel from my nightmares

Tuesday, July 8, 2008, 1:54 PM

i want you to know that......

okay first of all,
sorry long time no updates...
seeing as mann is unreliable,
i've to do something about it..
heheh
just joking dude...
anyway,
i heard rumours from some people
that the reason i so long never update is because
i wanna keep the gig pics in view.
this is UNTRUE!!
hahah
you know who you are...
i've just been lazy dear..
hahs
anyway,
i just realised
this blog is already a year old!
wooo!
time really flies...
school is upon us again.
i gotta buck up.
not much time left.
3.2 is not enough for poly.
and i don't want to stay
in ITE any longer.
its so freaking dull.
on an unrelated note,
i'm saving up cash to take the highway code.
actually i have enough already.
but i'm waiting for my friends to turn 18.
hahah!
hurry up dudes...
also,
i've recorded 3 acoustic songs..
Like a venom,This way and Nowhere to be found.
So far,only like a venom has been rocked out with the band.
another song is on the way...
i guess i got inspired a lot lately..
hehs
last sunday,
i'm a lot happier with my performance on the field.
i managed 3 goals.
ironically,
i didn't use my new pair of Nike boots.
i used my old,trusty,Puma boots.
hmm...
right now,i've got a cold and i feel feverish..
sheesh..
very irritating..
and i haven't really been happy lately too..
i'm not saying i'm totally unhappy..
but...
i'm not sure how to explain..
hahs
anyway,
yana!
we gotta meet up soon,
i can't take it anymore...
i'm practically dying to see you..
hahah!
but i totally understand your situation
and like i said before,i don't mind waiting..
:)
the new blog song is specially meant for you.
take a listen if you have the time kays.
:)
that's it from me.
mann!
you better post something
our baby is a year old!
hahah

'i'm not much i know;
but to the end i'll go.
to be there with open arms;
for a little memory's bliss
of you'

-acap-

Labels: ......i miss you so