a lunatic's lament

Drowning In My Misery
thats what im feeling right now
im being sucked in faster then i realise

mann,thx for everyting
most of all,thx for believing in me
n sorry for all the trouble i caused you
but despite everyting,im still a f**king loser

adli,sorry you n mai had to wait for us for so long yesterday
im sorry
wont happen again
n i should have thought of a back up plan
dats my fault too
im sorry

Distressing
Depressing
Irritating
Annoying
Frustating
Disappointing
i guess im all of the above
well,as long as im not psychotic

I cant believe i made her bored
im so stupid
we rarely get to see each other
and dis one time we do get to see each other
i made her feel bored among other things
damn it
i suck big time

i can change i suppose
but then
it wouldnt be me
'its better to be hated for what you are
then to be loved for what you are not'
im a strong believer of that

i wish i strongly believed in myself
f**k la
where did my self-esteem go

Im a joker
i love to make people laugh
yea sometimes my jokes can be sarcastic
but i make sure the person knows im joking
but i did not expect my joke to make me almost lose yesterday
i guess im the joke now

Not the standard
Not the material
Not the type
Not whats needed
i guess thats me too

Im not sure whether i wanna go to Sani's wedding
not in the state im in
i dun wanna ruin it with my bad mood
i guess i gotta paste a smile on my face
i should at least be happy for him
even if i cant be happy for myself
Congrats Sani on your wedding

Drowing in my misery
there doesnt seem to be another way
except to go
down....

to Dianah and other haters,backstabbers and wateva other shit there is
Go To Hell

-acap-

Labels: shadow of the day...dats me...