the past is being blatant about not wanting me in.
the past is not a place i should re-visit.
the past is full of mistakes and regrets and heartbreaks.

the future is not much better off.
the future is dark,doubtful and uncertain to a worrying extent.
the future is a place i am heading into blindly,thrust forward with no manual.

the present is full of disappointments,reminders of failures and dreams i failed to achieve.
the present is a bully,constantly throwing me around and hits me at the most unexpected moments.
the present is a horrifying dimension that i stumble through just to survive.

so where do i escape this miserable and haunting existence?
tell me,is there even an escape?

there is so much you do not know.there is so much you refuse to know.
i can never be,the person you want me to be.
as the saying goes,i am what i am.
this is who i am,not perfect,but a man of flesh and blood with feelings and hopes and dreams.
just. like.you.

expectations and promises weigh like the world on my shoulders.
dragging me down,slowing me to a motion like no other.
i trip,i fall,i struggle,i work my way up on my feet,i start again.
is there no end to this vicious cycle?

there is a world i created that i hide myself in from time to time.
a dark world of bloodshed and murderous desires.
a dark world of misery and contempt.
a dark world i keep checking into because simply,it is addictive.
a dark world where no one is out to get me,where no one,in fact,can get to me.
it is a world where,when i am at my most pitiful,at my most worthless hour,i am King and i reign supreme.

Welcome to My World.

...

they say everything must come to an end.
so tell me,is there an end when there's no beginning?

'my mind is made up;
but my heart is giving up'

....

too long for sure
i have been running away
it is time i stop trying
a new beginning
on the horizon
version 1.0
will be unveiled
i will stare down a loaded gun
the future is mine for the taking
look
look
look
into this new future's face

...

MARS IS COMING.
THE COUNTDOWN BEGINS.
30 DAYS LEFT.


...

hari raya is here?already?
time flies huh?
well,i am not really looking forward to raya-ing
i'm looking forward more to driving.
Dad is letting me drive the MPV for raya.
awesome.
strangely,i am also looking forward to school re-opening.
i'm looking forward to playing soccer again.
i am looking forward to October.
lots of cool thing happening in October.
i don't why im not in the mood for raya.
to be honest,i havent been in the mood for the past couple of years.
i've lost that passion i suppose.
i have outgrown it.
oh wells...


p.s. the countdown begins....

okay i didnt want to post anything emo.
so this is my official list of vehicles that i have driven so far.
in numbered order:-

1)Nissan Latio Sedan(Auto)
2)Citroen Berlingo 1.6(Manual)
3)Nissan Presage 2.5 MPV(Auto)
4)Mistubishi Lancer GLX(Manual)

p.s. these are not mine nor my family car.

i don't like it as much as you don't.
i don't want to be vengeful towards you.
there is no point.
we're both are more matured than that.
so let's stop running
and start facing

...